i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
