If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize