I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
