i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
