She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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