Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize