wrigley field is MILF paradise
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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