What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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