i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i believe in u and ur pee
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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