I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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