Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
