My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Did you just see the Batmobile???
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
