first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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