Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
