So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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