grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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