She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
