Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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