Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize