so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is my gift to your gina
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
