There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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