Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
