Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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