Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
