I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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