She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
