Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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