Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
