Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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