This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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