I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
