Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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