the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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