Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
