I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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