Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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