I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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