When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
