Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize