if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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