I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
