I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
