I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
