Welp...herpes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
