So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
