I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We named our party play list daddy issues
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
