And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
is it fun? or sober?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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