Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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