She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
