My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
