listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
