I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
