bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
