I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
