man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
