3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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