My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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