My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
