I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize