I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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