I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
