What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Life is so much better after having sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
