My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
