i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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