My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
