just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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