Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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