I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
