i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
