Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sext me about skeletons
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
