so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
