I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
