she woke up with a sticky ear
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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