it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
