get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
