Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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