I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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