dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
