i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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