Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize