so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
