So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
