You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
