Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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