we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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