Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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