This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
