New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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