and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Everything about him screamed your future.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
