I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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