I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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