"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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