That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
