Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize