Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
