So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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