I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
