It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my being single is dangerous.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
