No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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