I wish I could punch you in the face.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
