my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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