around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
