i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize