im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
