I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
