Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I did not marry a roomba.
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