we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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