ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
