He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
