So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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