Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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