I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
