Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
